I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
