I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
