I can text with my tongue
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize