Nicole vs. Life
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
