he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
