I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
