I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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