stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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