this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
