3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
