if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
