who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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