And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
