i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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