So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
