his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
