is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
