the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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