And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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