He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
