ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
