I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
