grandma shit on top of the toilet
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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