You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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