It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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