its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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