did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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