OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well most of my day revolves around power hour
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
