It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
