In America we eat man semen.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
