I'm so fucking centered right now
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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