The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
