i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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