I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
