Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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