i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
