even my farts smell like vagina
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
