yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
