last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
