That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
