She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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