i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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