Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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