dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
