Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
