he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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