I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
