her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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