i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
