fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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