Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
