Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
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I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
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God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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