The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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