After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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