Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
