1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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