i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
