i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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