she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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