There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
