i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
