You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
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Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I want a musical about memes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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