like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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