i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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