I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize