im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
