she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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