She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
