Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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