Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
