I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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