i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
